Tuesday, 27 October 2009

I am taking a FB


Plucked up the courage – I’m taking a FB!
 
So finally thought right time to get a grip. We are in the year 2009 it is perfectly acceptable to ask someone out. Isn’t it? All my friends seem to tell me so. So decided last Monday that the Lush Monster (LM) who has been taking up most of my thought space, was worth a shout. Even if that meant taking a FB, trust me this LM is defo a FB option – he’s lush! Is it normal to just want to have sex with someone and nothing else? Are my pregnancy hormones just still kicking around? Has the “sexual drought” finally got to me and I am looking through some goggles similar to those of the beer type? Mmm well who cares what it is – I’m doing it, (the asking out that is!) so after an hour or typing the email and having it sit in my draft box I finally hit the send button. Gulp! What then kicked in I did not expect. The “OMG” what if he doesn’t reply? What if he comes back and says “eh actually no I don’t think so” Christ is my confidence taking a dent now or what! Why the hell did I hit the bloody send button now…… aaaargghhhhh – time to escape for an extra shot Latte to calm me…. Aaarrrrrgghh nutter – see it never is acceptable to ask a man out…. Feel like headbutting the desk!! Bloody numpty that I am…… Why do we put ourselves into these situations? Why do we think that everyone of course would want to go on a date with us? Why is it that we think we are irresistible to most men? Christ this has given me a bit of an insight as to how a guy must feel asking us girls out when we have no issues about turning them down straight away! The poor male speccies, we really do put them through it don’t we? Society has taught us that we should sit there pretty waiting to be asked out and when we do, turn them down straight away! I personally find it hard to turn someone down who has asked me out as I feel sorry for them and I would probably end up going out with them through pity but I think I am a rare species. This is more evident when I think of some of my friends and their reason for turning guys down, such as “he turned up on his first date wearing Chinos eww” or “I just didn’t like his shoes” or “he walked with a slight limp” Can you imagine if that was the reason a guy turned us down? We would be outraged. However it appears to be acceptable for us to!
 
Escape for my coffee, muttering and mumbling under my breath! Something from a scene out of Dastardly and Mutley! Get back to my desk and needn’t have worried, there was a wee email back saying “hi there, yes that would be lovely, when are you thinking?” ooooh exciting, wee butterflies in my stomach, reply back “Sunday night” “cool” the reply came back instantly. Oh I’m very excited. So we agree to meet Sunday night at 7.30 at the Livingroom. Evidently I have not learned my lesson about picking another location after my last shenanigans in there…. Oh what a long week it’s going to be. Decided right I am definitely taken a FB. Definately! The girls are already telling me that I do not have the ability in me to
 
Ok ok need to just not focus on this until the Sunday. Time to keep up with the extra emails that have been coming in from our lovely internet sites. I have not responded to ANY of them apart from one. Quite an interesting character. Not of the usual dodgy standard, but hey you never can tell. Anyhow I enter into discussions with him and we chat very easily for a few days. That is at least distracting me  from lustful thoughts of the LM on Sunday! On top of this Mr Blah (date 1 remember – coffee in Morningside) has made a guest appearance on my msn again. He starts the conversation with the “Hey there” line, I respond back.. We start a conversation and he says that although we never clicked as a possibility of a second date he really enjoyed our chats, would I be interested in being friends? And to be fair he did have good chat, so I agree and to be fair its been night and day, its been great chats and I have been speaking with him most days and its all going great on a friendship level. Its not like I need another male friend but hey ho, you can never have too much.
 
Here’s a few more emails to keep you entertained!
 
Subject Line – Impossible.
Hi – I tried to rate your pics but I couldn’t find an 11!
Roy x
OMG how cheesy is that?? 10 is the max rating…
 
Subject Line – Shoes
I love reading, my cooking skills are second to none, apart from the odd TV Chief and my mother.. I have travelled around the world in eighty odd days as well as liking to wear the odd pair of heels. All in all I think I would be worth saying hi to!
Really in your first email would you a) mention your mother and b) mention you occasionally wear heels? It started so well as well
 
Subject Line – Hello x
I like what I see – say hello!
Eh?
 
Subject Line – Hello There
How r u?
So sounds ok until you look at his profile and he’s 67! Now common I am only 34
 
Subject Line – Looking for someone caring
Xxxxx
That’s it – nothing else – I don’t think so
 
Subject Line – Wow
Wow wow wow. Would love to have a chat with such a lovely laaaadyyyy
I can just imagine the way he was speaking when he wrote this – I am thinking Raul from the Irn Bru adverts (google if you don’t know who I am talking about)
 
Subject line – Hey
Hi there. My name is xxxxx, I am a 44 year old from Perth. I have been separated for 18 months and I have 2 children. It is hard going being single with 2 children and trying to fit everything in. I am looking  for someone who will help me out and we can look after them together. I am not looking for short term or one night stands. Serious applicants only!
What the ****. Yeah mate I will just turn up at your house and look after your 2 kids for you… Could these mails get any worse??!!
 
 
 
 

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