Thursday, 15 October 2009

and Mr Short makes it Date number 3



So whilst Mr Cocksure was still busy emailing and texting (despite being thrown the rubber ear! - take the hint man!) enter a new candidate into my inbox. This one look particularily interesting.. The website claimed that we matched on 21 points - thats good going as the max is 24! And hey he even paid extra to have a border round his profile, that surely must meen he's a bit more making an effort, yes? I start to read his profile. All sounding good, quite a funny profile, teeth look nice in this one. He winks at me. I wink back. Emails start from there, nice nice.

We agree to meet on Friday night, 2nd October. My male friend P says he has a good feeling about this one - I think thats just because this guy seems to share his inner geek as well. Hey don't get me wrong I have an inner geek, absolutely. I love all boy toys, gadgets, have a massive interest in cars and motorbikes. My Sky plus reads like your average bloke's, however in the same vane I am as girly as they come. I can twirl my hair like the best of them to get some male help! But to be fair it is a good start, at least a talking point where in the past disasterous dates there hasn't really been a talking point.

Now I'm not sure if you have picked up in this blog but I do have a love of shoes, the higher the better. I currently have in excess of 120 pairs and to be fair not really one pair is less than 5 inches. Doesn't every gal deserve a pair of shoes for every occassion? We were born with feet, they should look the part shouldn't they? It's a womans right to good shoes! Couple that with my already tall height of five foot ten then you can see that I may be quite tall when out and about. Everyone has probably seen those celebs etc on tv, in mags. The Sophie Dahl and Jamie's off the world, Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman. It's not an attractive look is it? So I do have a pre requisite on my profile to say at least 5 foot 11.

So imagine my surprise when I turn up to meet this 6 foot (detailed on his profile) guy who is actually 5 foot 7!!! To make matters worse the place I was meeting him at was closed so I stood there waiting (on a bloody step none the less!) which made me over 6 foot! He turns up and the first thing I can spot is his bald part of his head - I am actually that much taller than him! He gives me a hug (Im still on the step at this point) and his face just rests in amongst my boobs! Now I know there's no issue with that, time and a place for that huh. That time and place is not meeting on a first date. I must have registered shock on my face as he looked up and said "I'm too short aren't I?"

As I mentioned the place we were meeting at was closed so we decided to walk down to another bar at the end of the street. It was the most awkward walk ever. To compensate I adopted this very bizarre John Wayne come Hunch back of Notradame walk to reduce my height. At one point I was almost bent over. It's just not right! To be fair walking through town with my son (who is about the same height) is a far more acceptable option.

So we get to the bar - no comfy seats left just two seats at the bar - I'm fine with that as trust me tonight I aint moving from that bar!!! Get me a bloody drink now. Now without a word of a lie here, we pulled the two bar stools out and I sat up put bag down ready to order, turn round and he's actually struggling to get up on the stool. I couldn't control myself "need a hand up there?" that didn't go down too well. Once he finally got up his legs just hung there like some ventriloquist doll! OMG could this get any worse??

I have to say it was quite a pleasant evening, I think that may be clouded by the amount of drink I consumed but hey at least 2 good things - 1) Chat was good and 2) nice teeth.

Dilemma now is how do you not persue this any further on the grounds of "sorry mate you're too bloody small!" I simply cannot convey that positively into a text! Head firmly back in the sand again!! aaarrrggghh

Now the next part of dating etiquette raises its head again - this time the "End of date farewell" Mmmm ponder

Options - a) Handshake at end of night and a "thanks for a nice night" - maybe this a bit too formal like being at work - so nope
b) Air kiss - too much opportunity for a misplacement of lips though - nope again
c) A hug - could be an option but could risk any contact with body parts that you are not really willing to be in contact with! - mmm definate no
d)Nothing - as in nothing. - Option I took

"Thanks for a lovely night I'm off to get a taxi" I say, "Oh already?" "yes" I respond. Head out into the street and start to get into the taxi. "Can we share he says" eh "No we live in complete opposite directions" I respond. "Ah ok then, lovely to meet you" he then just leans in the bloody taxi and gives me a full on snog! eww. Quickly scramble for taxi door, yank it shut, batter the side of his elbow in the process!

"Drive Taxi, drive"
"Where to madam"
"at this moment in time - anyblodywhere"

Aaaaarrrrrgggh

Follow up text reads like this

"Hey there, Wot you up 2 today? Just wanted 2 thank you again 4 a lovely evening. U were great company (as well as great looking) and I hope we can meet up again soon"

I feel sick....

Why do I put myself into these situations? Am I still suffering some form of gullable itis? I ponder this as I head off to Sunday lunch with my good friends A&R who are obviously finding this all super amusing.. I'm so glad I'm at least keeping some people entertained!

1 comments on "and Mr Short makes it Date number 3"

courtney said...

"Once he finally got up his legs just hung there like some ventriloquist doll!" hahhahaah!

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