Meeting is taking place in Morningside – 8pm at Café Grande. Text my lovely non pc friend A to tell her my whereabouts – always got to do that in case I meet a serial killer and go missing! Get there and am parking my car and some random on the other side of the road is waving at me very enthusiastically. Surely this cannot be my date? As fate would have it, he is… Great. Still polite that I am I continue. Park the car walk over. Now whats the etiquette now? Do you just smile? Do you shake hands? Do you air kiss? Was just pondering what was going to be my signature first move when in he comes for the kill with a huge hug and kiss full on. Slightly taken aback by this and stumble back towards the kerb. Now in 6 inch heels this could be catastrohpic! He grabs a hold of me to stop me falling – brilliant!
So I sit and have coffee. I learn he is 37, two kids, divorced 3 years ago, lives with 2 flat mates. He isn’t actually that bad looking but has something quite not right with his teeth which I just can’t pinpoint. I have a thing about teeth. They need to be right. I could never date someone with bad teeth – hey wait a minute I hear you say I did!! And yes I did. Voldemort had bad teeth, must have just blocked that one out! Conversation all very polite and all that but there is just no spark there. Do you get a spark the first time you meet someone? Please tell me you do otherwise I am in this for the long haul….. So I smile politely and wait until what I think is an acceptable time to stay out on first date is (1 hour in this case) and I leave. Lovely guy, just not for me. Driving down the road and the text comes in to say “hey Sam had a lovely night, would love to see you again” gulp I am so not good at the token response text. So what do I do? Bloody reply saying “hey thanks, I had a nice time too” what a fucking lie! How the hell do I get out of that now?? I’m thinking maybe the texts may die down and it will just peter out. Oh no, it doesn’t, he texts back I respond etc and all of a sudden I have given him my Messenger details. For god’s sake woman get a grip!
Get home, get my jammies on, climb into bed thankful that now in my own sanctuary and no one can take that away from me. The invasion of texts continue.. Note to self “grow a set”
Lights oot!
Wednesday, 14 October 2009
Let the Dating Commence
Yes you read right Dating – time to get back on the horse as it were. Couple of things to factor in here 1) I haven’t been single since 15! 2) being mid thirties and carrying more baggage than Tesco manufacture each year is not ideal. 3) Body like a road map of Britain..
Whats a girl to do? Join Internet dating of course! So signed up, wrote a profile ,which no matter how many times I read it still sounds nothing like me… Ah well. Let the weirdo’s commence.. and oh boy have they commenced.
Start with a number of emails from guys who are sitting at their PC thinking right I’m emailing everyone on this website. I mean common I know I haven’t had sex in 9 months, that I am just weeks after giving birth and may appear to be slightly desperate but I feel I should update my profile with the comments of “over 60’s with no front teeth who are under five foot 2 need not apply” I started out being very polite emailing back saying “no thanks” but now fuck it, just delete them. Oh how 2009 has made me a bitch….
Couple of interesting characters coming through now though so may be worth a go. Although as my lovely friend J cummunicated to me months ago whilst we were on holiday “gosh all those single people over 35 must be weirdos and have something wrong with them. I mean I pity the poor female that only has that to chose from” eh ahem hun, that’s me… That’s the thing I love about her, never afraid to say it as it is… Gotta love her
So whats the etiquette? I’m learning fast.. There are a couple of key things I have identified
1) There is a certain element of people coming through who are obviously just in it for a Fuck Buddy. Now I am not disputing the joys of a Fuck Buddy, I am myself contemplating this as a possible short term project for a while. Seems to reep a lot of rewards, but sorry if I am going down that route an email which only says “nice tits” is just not going to get me going. DELETE him
2) Next up is the man who is looking for a new wife, probably only weeks after the last one died/divorved/dumped whatever. These tend to talk only about their kids and would I be interested in a coffee at the Soft Play area. Eh, let me think about that – eh no. Now I love my kids to bits, they are my life but there is NO WAY I am introducing them to someone over a coffee first time I meet someone from the Internet.. DELETE
Maybe J’s view on over 35’s could be true? Still I wade through the emails, some responding to some not. And hey how the hell can anyone tell from a thumbnail picture that the guy who looks alright is actually been photoshopped to hell.. Still faith in human nature I narrow down a few people who I think are acceptable and set up some dates for the weeks ahead. Mmmm
In the meantime life continues as is.
Sunday 20th September
Mmm eh step for a hint? How does one get a washing machine out of one house and into the other? Answer call your male friends.. I have to say I am getting pretty close to having no favours left (actually I KNOW I have no favours left) from my friends boyfriends/husbands etc but needs must. I mean common it took me 2 weeks to fathom out how to use it to wash clothes let alone move the bloody thing. There are still things in life I miss a man for!!
Cue text to Homer and R (husband and boyfriends of two of my friends) “eh are you free to move my washing machine tomorrow from Morningside to Corstorphine” response from R, “of course Sweetie” and from P “yup, we need the trailer don’t we?” Excellent, thanks for that boys! So that’s the final thing left on the list really of stuff that needs done to ensure the smooth handover of house keys on Wednesday. I’m quite excited really as once I hand those keys back on Wed its another part of my life with HIM closed out. Cool.
Monday 21st September
So I go back to the old house, been a long time since I have been there. Driving there I am a bit scared and think oh no what if I get upset like the day I left? What if I relive memoryville again? What if what if…. Remarkably I get there and I am ok surprisingly, this is cemented more when P turns up and his opening comments are “Fuck hun it’s a bloody barn now” and I swear I couldn’t have summed it up better. Most of my friends commented at the time when HE left that the whole spirit of the house had left with him. It had been the ultimate party house (disco ball included) and now in the words of P was a fucking barn!
So R turns up next, “hey sweetie where’s this washing machine then” eh out back hun. We all toddle out to utility room. Now common I do consider myself quite with it in life, quite savvy, quite technical at times (hey I can work my iphone that counts doesn’t it?) but when R turns and asks me “have you drained it Sweetie” I have no idea what he is talking about.. eh “how do you do that guys” I ask. P crouches down and points at a little square thing at the bottom of the washing machine which I confess never to have seeing before, and says “this bit here”. Ah I see. They open it and decide between them that the best option is to pull said machine over to back door to drain.. Slight problem there when they try to move it nothing happens. “Have you unplugged this machine hun?” asks P. I just leave the room at that point to the sound of male tutting in the background! So bless them half an hour later the machine is out, on the trailer and being strapped in. I’m now pulling in more favours by asking for chairs to be added onto the trailer too.. Pushing it now. Half an hour later, machine and chairs safely moved to Corstorphine – woo hoo! Thanks guys. So it’s a quick turn around here as agreed to go on the first date with some Internet Bloke… Coffee at 8 o’clock at night – whats that all about??
Whats a girl to do? Join Internet dating of course! So signed up, wrote a profile ,which no matter how many times I read it still sounds nothing like me… Ah well. Let the weirdo’s commence.. and oh boy have they commenced.
Start with a number of emails from guys who are sitting at their PC thinking right I’m emailing everyone on this website. I mean common I know I haven’t had sex in 9 months, that I am just weeks after giving birth and may appear to be slightly desperate but I feel I should update my profile with the comments of “over 60’s with no front teeth who are under five foot 2 need not apply” I started out being very polite emailing back saying “no thanks” but now fuck it, just delete them. Oh how 2009 has made me a bitch….
Couple of interesting characters coming through now though so may be worth a go. Although as my lovely friend J cummunicated to me months ago whilst we were on holiday “gosh all those single people over 35 must be weirdos and have something wrong with them. I mean I pity the poor female that only has that to chose from” eh ahem hun, that’s me… That’s the thing I love about her, never afraid to say it as it is… Gotta love her
So whats the etiquette? I’m learning fast.. There are a couple of key things I have identified
1) There is a certain element of people coming through who are obviously just in it for a Fuck Buddy. Now I am not disputing the joys of a Fuck Buddy, I am myself contemplating this as a possible short term project for a while. Seems to reep a lot of rewards, but sorry if I am going down that route an email which only says “nice tits” is just not going to get me going. DELETE him
2) Next up is the man who is looking for a new wife, probably only weeks after the last one died/divorved/dumped whatever. These tend to talk only about their kids and would I be interested in a coffee at the Soft Play area. Eh, let me think about that – eh no. Now I love my kids to bits, they are my life but there is NO WAY I am introducing them to someone over a coffee first time I meet someone from the Internet.. DELETE
Maybe J’s view on over 35’s could be true? Still I wade through the emails, some responding to some not. And hey how the hell can anyone tell from a thumbnail picture that the guy who looks alright is actually been photoshopped to hell.. Still faith in human nature I narrow down a few people who I think are acceptable and set up some dates for the weeks ahead. Mmmm
In the meantime life continues as is.
Sunday 20th September
Mmm eh step for a hint? How does one get a washing machine out of one house and into the other? Answer call your male friends.. I have to say I am getting pretty close to having no favours left (actually I KNOW I have no favours left) from my friends boyfriends/husbands etc but needs must. I mean common it took me 2 weeks to fathom out how to use it to wash clothes let alone move the bloody thing. There are still things in life I miss a man for!!
Cue text to Homer and R (husband and boyfriends of two of my friends) “eh are you free to move my washing machine tomorrow from Morningside to Corstorphine” response from R, “of course Sweetie” and from P “yup, we need the trailer don’t we?” Excellent, thanks for that boys! So that’s the final thing left on the list really of stuff that needs done to ensure the smooth handover of house keys on Wednesday. I’m quite excited really as once I hand those keys back on Wed its another part of my life with HIM closed out. Cool.
Monday 21st September
So I go back to the old house, been a long time since I have been there. Driving there I am a bit scared and think oh no what if I get upset like the day I left? What if I relive memoryville again? What if what if…. Remarkably I get there and I am ok surprisingly, this is cemented more when P turns up and his opening comments are “Fuck hun it’s a bloody barn now” and I swear I couldn’t have summed it up better. Most of my friends commented at the time when HE left that the whole spirit of the house had left with him. It had been the ultimate party house (disco ball included) and now in the words of P was a fucking barn!
So R turns up next, “hey sweetie where’s this washing machine then” eh out back hun. We all toddle out to utility room. Now common I do consider myself quite with it in life, quite savvy, quite technical at times (hey I can work my iphone that counts doesn’t it?) but when R turns and asks me “have you drained it Sweetie” I have no idea what he is talking about.. eh “how do you do that guys” I ask. P crouches down and points at a little square thing at the bottom of the washing machine which I confess never to have seeing before, and says “this bit here”. Ah I see. They open it and decide between them that the best option is to pull said machine over to back door to drain.. Slight problem there when they try to move it nothing happens. “Have you unplugged this machine hun?” asks P. I just leave the room at that point to the sound of male tutting in the background! So bless them half an hour later the machine is out, on the trailer and being strapped in. I’m now pulling in more favours by asking for chairs to be added onto the trailer too.. Pushing it now. Half an hour later, machine and chairs safely moved to Corstorphine – woo hoo! Thanks guys. So it’s a quick turn around here as agreed to go on the first date with some Internet Bloke… Coffee at 8 o’clock at night – whats that all about??
From Dumped to Dating
So start of a new blog. I’ve decided to start a new one rather than add to the old one as I feel the old one is now over as I have entered a new chapter in my life. Plus the previous one was when I was at an emotional low and I know some people were upset reading some of the stuff on there so decided time for a new positive one!
If you haven’t read the previous one then I will give you a quick (and I mean quick) overview of the last 6 months… I should warn you in advance I am no literary genius, English was my worst subject ever so expect bad grammar, spelling and punctuation! What it is is just an honest account of my dailing ramblings…
So was dumped pretty spectacularily at the end of March 2009 by “he who shall not be named”! Very Harry Potter I know (going to stick with it as it was indeed Harry Potter that brought us together! - again long story see previous blog) but even now saying the name leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. Other versions of his name are “The Turd” (my own personal fave coming courtesy of one of my close male friends) “Fuckwit” (my own endearing term for (and I use this phrase loosely) the man in question. “Sperm Donor” as he gave me my lovely daughter. Anyhow I am sure you are all getting the jist as to my feelings here. Anyhow dumped at 3 months pregnant, no warning nothing, just an exit one day whilst I was at work with a parting comment of “Hope you die whilst giving birth” charm personified huh? Anyhow his exit was a result of his inability to comit to our relationship on the grounds of “I don’t want another child” which really was a cover for “I want to go back to my wife” Now please don’t think I was one of those woman having an affair – I wasn’t, he and I lived together and had lifelong plans, I apparently mucked them up by being pregnant. So off he went, packed his life up in one afternoon and one trip in the convertible that was that. I went through horrendously dark parts of life after that. Questioned can I actually go ahead with this baby? Can I cope on my own? How am I ever going to mend a broken heart? And the biggest thread running through those months – “how can I ever survive without him?” I know I know I can see you all screaming at your keyboard right now but what you don’t understand is that I had a rare medical condition – it was called “gullableitis” and if any of you have ever suffered from this you will be aware that there is no cure! Gullable that maybe he will come back, gullable that you can win him back, gullable as to what you thought your past was! Gullable as to what you did to make him leave. I suffered from this for a number of months… Embarrassing to admit now.
Gosh I did promise to make this part short – not happening is it?! Anyhow cut long story, I cried A LOT, and I mean A LOT, some days it never stopped and I really didn’t know how to pull myself through. As most of my closest friends will testify to I was well and trully broken and yet I still loved this man, how is that bloody possible? It’s simply not (unless you have gullableitis of course) I wont even go into the unspeakable things this man done to me over the last 6 months and the unspeakable torture of working together (thanks Employers for that joy) if you want that info see previous blog. All I can now say is the day that I pushed my daughter out of me was the day that it all turned around and this man vanished from my thoughts as quickly as he came into them. I know I will never be free of him whilst she is here and that all the complicated formalities I now have to go through will keep him at the forefront of my mind, but I am free of him emotionally which is all that matters. So its time to start my new blog, time to get rid of the negativity and start afresh with the positivity. The new blog takes affect now and is:
From Dumped to Dating!
If you haven’t read the previous one then I will give you a quick (and I mean quick) overview of the last 6 months… I should warn you in advance I am no literary genius, English was my worst subject ever so expect bad grammar, spelling and punctuation! What it is is just an honest account of my dailing ramblings…
So was dumped pretty spectacularily at the end of March 2009 by “he who shall not be named”! Very Harry Potter I know (going to stick with it as it was indeed Harry Potter that brought us together! - again long story see previous blog) but even now saying the name leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. Other versions of his name are “The Turd” (my own personal fave coming courtesy of one of my close male friends) “Fuckwit” (my own endearing term for (and I use this phrase loosely) the man in question. “Sperm Donor” as he gave me my lovely daughter. Anyhow I am sure you are all getting the jist as to my feelings here. Anyhow dumped at 3 months pregnant, no warning nothing, just an exit one day whilst I was at work with a parting comment of “Hope you die whilst giving birth” charm personified huh? Anyhow his exit was a result of his inability to comit to our relationship on the grounds of “I don’t want another child” which really was a cover for “I want to go back to my wife” Now please don’t think I was one of those woman having an affair – I wasn’t, he and I lived together and had lifelong plans, I apparently mucked them up by being pregnant. So off he went, packed his life up in one afternoon and one trip in the convertible that was that. I went through horrendously dark parts of life after that. Questioned can I actually go ahead with this baby? Can I cope on my own? How am I ever going to mend a broken heart? And the biggest thread running through those months – “how can I ever survive without him?” I know I know I can see you all screaming at your keyboard right now but what you don’t understand is that I had a rare medical condition – it was called “gullableitis” and if any of you have ever suffered from this you will be aware that there is no cure! Gullable that maybe he will come back, gullable that you can win him back, gullable as to what you thought your past was! Gullable as to what you did to make him leave. I suffered from this for a number of months… Embarrassing to admit now.
Gosh I did promise to make this part short – not happening is it?! Anyhow cut long story, I cried A LOT, and I mean A LOT, some days it never stopped and I really didn’t know how to pull myself through. As most of my closest friends will testify to I was well and trully broken and yet I still loved this man, how is that bloody possible? It’s simply not (unless you have gullableitis of course) I wont even go into the unspeakable things this man done to me over the last 6 months and the unspeakable torture of working together (thanks Employers for that joy) if you want that info see previous blog. All I can now say is the day that I pushed my daughter out of me was the day that it all turned around and this man vanished from my thoughts as quickly as he came into them. I know I will never be free of him whilst she is here and that all the complicated formalities I now have to go through will keep him at the forefront of my mind, but I am free of him emotionally which is all that matters. So its time to start my new blog, time to get rid of the negativity and start afresh with the positivity. The new blog takes affect now and is:
From Dumped to Dating!
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