Sunday 15 November 2009

Fraught with "Issues"





So my expectations for the week had been a bit of flirting, bit of sneaky wee glances over the water cooler and tell tales signs of what had happened that Sunday night, I soo got that wrong.

For days I would sit at my desk and blush thinking about what had happened and even when passing him I could tell he was maybe feeling slightly uncomfortable with it. Shame, I really do like him, and I think if I am honest to myself I like him more than I should do. Mmmmm not great.... Right play it cool, play it cool. Not going to email him or text him, I'm gonna be a rules gal.. Couple of days in he emails and I am back to bloody square one! Damn him. This is not how its meant to be when you take a FB is it??

Aaaaarrrggghh

Now he's roped me back in! Now I want to see him again.. Despite the wee voice saying "run forest run" I feel myself being enticed in again.

Why am I setting myself up for a fall again? I can just tell this is what its going to be.. He needs fixed and call in the ultimate fixer there is (thats me by the way) to sort him out. I spent the last 2 years of my life fixing Voldermort only for him to turn round to me and say "thanks hun, you have put me back to where I was 20 years ago and I feel alive again" and eh "oh by the way - see ya!" I don't think I can do that again. I can't be a fixer, I am being very honest here and it's really hard and harsh to say that if you have issues then please leave me alone. I've done it too often - I would like to be fixed for a change!

Anyhow after that Sunday night we had I decide nope I'm going for it. If anything the sex was amazing so that's worth another shot lol.

We agree dinner at mine Sat night. This time I will feed him as on Sunday I didn't - poor guy!

I spend the next couple of days debating a lot of things. The thing with being single is that you have too much time on your hands and it gives you time to really establish what that means for you, time that you may not have thought about when in a relationship. I make a startling realisation that a) I cannot be a FB with this guy as I think I am already too emotionally involved and b) that means I can't be a friend with him either as due to the fact that I am so sexually attracted to him I can't be friends - christ where the hell does that leave me at then!!!??

Onwards and upwards to dinner then - not going to think about it....

Mmmmm really??

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